Bear Ye One Another's Burdens...

Perhaps you’ve seen this picture floating around the internet. The first time I saw it, it was accompanied by the words “If you ever feel useless just remember that someone is a lifeguard at the Olympic swimming event.” The lifeguard’s expression really says it all. I can certainly sympathize with her.

There have been many times in my life when I’ve felt inadequate, or just flat out worthless. I’m talking about situations where I really wanted to make a difference but felt like my hands were tied. Nothing makes me feel like this any more than when I’m trying to console someone who is in mental or emotional distress or otherwise grieving.

We’ve all been there, at funerals or at the bedside of the dying; maybe with a family after a tragedy or talking to a heartbroken friend. You know exactly what I mean when I say that all I want in those situations is to help, to find those magic words to say that will take away the pain and confusion.

I think as a preacher and former pastor I have been in this situation more than the average person. I used to put a lot of pressure on myself during these times, not just because of my being a preacher, but because of my faith in general. There is a tendency to think that because of our trust in God and His word that we always have the right answers. But I have realized that I don’t have magical words, I don’t even have answers most of the time. Chances are, you have realized the same thing, and that’s ok.

The good news is that God never commanded us to take away burdens, only to help carry them. It is not within our power nor is it our place to cure grief and heartache, but we are well able to hurt and grieve with others, to weep with those that weep.  Let’s consider the story of Job.

Job endured unimaginable tragedy. In Job chapter 2 we are told that his three friends came to mourn with and comfort Job, and that’s what they did, at least at first. When they saw their friend in his pitiful state they wept, rent their mantles, and sprinkled dust on their heads. They then sat on the ground in silence with Job for seven days. Some of this may seem strange to us today but this is how they mourned in Old Testament times. Then they opened their mouths.

They attempted to provide answers and explanations for what Job was going through. They tried to make sense of things that they had no understanding of, and they did a lot more harm than good. In the end, God’s anger was kindled against the three men and God said to them, “…for ye have not spoken of me the thing that is right, as my servant Job hath.”

We can learn a lot from the words of Eliphaz, Bildad, and Zohar, but perhaps we can learn even more from their silence. This is not to say we should not speak to those we are trying to comfort, but maybe it’s best we don’t pretend to have all the answers. Maybe it’s best we don’t assume we “know how it feels.” There is certainly a time for advice and encouragement, but sometimes just showing up and listening is enough.

Back to the picture from the Olympics. I don’t imagine 23 time gold medalist Michael Phelps was comforted by the fact that a lifeguard was there to help him if he needed it. The chances of him needing a lifeguard are minuscule at best. The thing is nobody has won a gold medal for being good at life. We all face hardship and heartbreak, but it sure is easier to know you have a brother or sister right by your side, ready to jump in the deep end with you and help.

God bless!

I look forward to your comments, question, and corrections below.